One more peeve.

Okay. Since I have started this blog I have been in search of friends. I like to do the random/stumble upon search and see who I come up with. I must say though, I am more dissappointed than happy.

I hate your blogs about your babies. I don't care about how long it took you to conceive, how you never thought you would conceive, your adoption sap, your stupid family with five kids being brought up in a christian lifestyle, your I am so glad I waited to have kids til I was 35, NONE OF IT! I do not give a shit. Did you forget that you are a human being with talents? That you had dreams and vices and friends? That you liked to go out and drink til you felt loose and excited and walked home in the rain stealing lawn ornaments? Did you forget that sometimes, every once in awhile, someone would bum you a feg and you would smoke it and your knees would get all weak and you loved it and didn't care about cancer? Did you forget how wonderful it was to get high? Did you forget what it was like to sleep in and be curly with someone? I mean, just get over it!

Granted. Come the day I have a kid, I may want to post photos of said child online for friends around the world to see and adore from afar. But the second I post a photoshopped picture of my kid in a bucket, de-saturated + red hints or something stupid bullshit KILL ME! TAKE THE GUN FROM YOUR CLOSET AND SHOOT ME SQUARE BETWEEN THE EYES!

My goal is to leave post it's to myself all over the house once I become pregnant, so if there is the chance of me losing myself, I have a quick reminder of who I once was. These post-its will say things like "This was your favorite alcoholic drink", "You loved eel", "Such and such was your favorite sex position" and so on... "You used to keep dead things in the freezer", "You have journals of found things, photos, letters... Don't forget", "You were a cool person who loved your space and time to yourself, you love books by Vonnegut, Joyce, Salinger, Harper Lee, READ THESE TO YOUR BABIES!" "You like to listen to Modest Mouse and Wu-Tang, your kids will learn bad words one day, it's not a shock so until they start asking about sewing niggas assholes shut, fuggetaboutit. You SO do not like children singing terrible covers of any songs you knew as popular and you hate stupid children music in general. DO. NOT. GIVE. IN."

Ugh. I love kids. I want kids. Sesame Street. OK! YipYips, I dig the shit you do. Snuffy, you are high as a kite and I love you. Oscar, you are a grouch. Thank you for being the shit that you are. But Maury Povich, please teach my children about how important safe sex is. Thanks, I know who my baby daddy will be and I want them to too one day;)

To quote a good friend, "You had a kid. 14 yr. olds do that."