If only I knew then, what I know now.

Well. I do have the ability to stop myself from sounding suicidal so I will stop with that subject. No mas. If I am going to spend my time typing away on a computer I should sound happy and upbeat or my blog will begin to fall into the category with all the emo teens who are too cool for Livejournal, the mommy bloggers/scrapbook enthusiasts and the hipster, fixed gear, biker blogs. Fuck. That.

In an attempt to brighten my anxiety filled night, I have looked at Regretsy.
Breast Stroke – NSFW
Wow. Just... I mean, the link... Everything. Never fails.

Also, Kate recommended HipsterKitty.com

The caption under this photo read: "Donatello doesn’t call it “TV” because nicknames are for friends." It reminded me so much of T that I couldn't stop laughing. He has a thing for un-abbreviating things and can make me laugh for hours by doing it.

Then I had another meltdown and was almost convinced that rereading my unabridged edition of Sylvia Plaths journals was the best way to end my night until I remembered this:




I was doing a random search through blogs and came across one with this in an entry and just laughed for about 10 minutes. I think the only way to end tonight is with more wine and some episode of this show. If only I had speakers... I could curl up on the futon and watch all of this show. Forever.

Also. I think the best job in the world would be to continue the life of someone awesome... Like if I could impersonate Kurt Vonnegut for the rest of my life and get paid to do it... Hell yes. Why have all the good positions already been filled?

I don't think anyone reads this...
This somewhat depresses me.

Things I should (and am) thankful for:
-T. I am attracted to his body odor and this makes him my soul(sole)mate.
-MacKay and Violet. No one reads this, so no one probably knows these people, but I love them.
-Friends. All of you. Shoutout.
-Family. Even the crazies, I am not running away from you... Just. Distancing myself from the most depressing place on earth which you all continue to live in. Sorry. Please visit.
-Cab Sav. Nuff said.
-Rufio.
-Hot running water.
-Summer.
-Strawberries.
-Blue cheese.
-My dad.
-Birds.
-Antique stores to calm my nerves.
-Books. Real live books. With paper pages and the smell of ink and sometimes mold... I can hold you close and feel like everything is okay because there is a world where everything you tell me is true and I can go there and be there and stay there...
-Welcome Home, Son, by Radical Eyes.
-My sight, sense of smell, touch, hearing... What the hell is my fifth sense? Oh, tasting. All of those things.
-The thought that, if I needed to, I could run away and become a completly different person in a new place and the knowledge that I could come back and there would still be someone who loved me, waiting for me, accepting me, regardless.
-Love.
-Hugs.
-Kitten Mittens and kitten snuggles in my bed.



Goodnight,
F.