A house is not a home...

Last night was an anxious one. I slept restlessly, dreaming hectic dreams with images of love and lust, very hurried scenes with a lot of running, but it was snowing again and it felt as though I was running through sand. Old friends gathered on a familiar campus and I kept trying to talk to everyone but felt as if I had no voice... I was feeling very lost in familiarity.

I woke up to phone calls and my landlord working on the building. My bedroom window was open and it scared me because I heard him outside of it saying "Doug Metz, M-E-T-Z". Freaked me out a bit.

I tried to calm my nerves with coffee and and a sammie. It was really delicious, rye bread, blue cheese, cucumbers and strawberries...

The idea of going to work is a stress on my soul today...



Yesterday they had to do a credit check to see if T and I would be able to get our apartment. My credit is less than perfect, as in, horrific. I try but never seem to make enough to please them. Then I try to do small things for myself, for my friends... And I just end up feeling terrible because there is this impending doom called debt. But. WE GOT THE APARTMENT!
T just text me and told me the wonderful news! I am so relieved and happy! I cannot wait to see it, since, he was the one in Boston and the only one to see it... He should learn to carry a camera. The downside to a printmaker as a boyfriend.
I can't wait to see my new place. Tomorrow it will be one month until I move out of 3081F and then home for my little brothers graduation party and then, Boston. I really cannot wait. I can't wait to experience something new. I feel as though I am bursting at the seams! I have found a home, it's in another person and their love for me and now we will have a house together, a little love nest. This will be a challenging, hectic new year for us. But I cannot wait. It will be filled with all the things I love to do best. Making coffee to have in bed in the morning with T, doing art projects together and taking walks together. Making dinner for one another and laughing and watching movies at night...
Also there is a Trader Joes close by. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX

F.