Day 02 – Your first love, in great detail
Ugh. If anyone else has long strands of terrible relationships in their past, I am among those people. Sometimes I envy the people who have been in love their whole lives with their high school sweetheart. I even sometimes envy the love that the Duggars share and how their kids will know great, one true loves without heartbreak... Or will they? While I have been hurt among other stuff, I can't see having reached this point in my life any other way. It sucked ASS but if it hadn't happened could I be this loving and understanding and appreciative of what T and I do have? I don't know. I don't think so.
But I think I did have one other first love. (HA you all thought this would be another sappy IF**Kin<3MYBFFFFFFFFF!!!!!1 post, didn't you?)
To protect his identity I will rename him... Cary Grant*. Ok. So I met Cary Grant at the wonderful age of 17 going on 18. I'd been treated badly and had my heart broken a few times before this, but I had never had those butterfly in the tummy feelings and absolute obsessed "I need to see this person, I need to be with this person, this person is all I think about, I like him so much I will memorize his license plate number (that, I actually did)" feelings. Until Cary. He was everything I thought of as dreamy and he was older which was EXACTLY what I wanted because, uhm, fuck high school boys. So Cary was a photographer and worked at a photo place and I think I went in there everyday to buy film. God I had film to last me years! But it didn't matter, those few seconds I saw him before I went to work at the diner I worked in were heaven. Never did I dream he would like ME as well.
But he did and we did fun stuff for an entire summer and had a lot of good times. I think it was as great as it was because it was such a transient period for me before I went off to school and because he was going through really tough things in his life... There were no strings, we just enjoyed each others company and danced and drank wine at the lake as the sun set and had photo shoots on abandoned tractors. It was secretive and exciting and silly and blah blah blah.
When I went to school I had a really hard time and started dating this other guy from home because I thought the stability would help me (blerg, did not). Telling Cary Grant was extremely hard but it was also ok. Not until later did I find out how upset he had been by it... Which was sad, but... We've stayed really good friends and it was worth it. I think we are both happy with where our lives have taken us and we still hang out when I am in town and it's really nice. I have no regrets about any of it and it continues to remain the best relationship in retrospect, because it was so short and so fun that we didn't have time to get mad and jealous and show any crazy sides of ourselves. It was just easy peasy.
I loved a few other guys after that. Sickening, depressing, crying all the time over them kind of love... But there was only one other time when the butterflies were so intense and the whole thing came easily and that was with T. And look! I got myself a soulmate! With T in my life, I never really think about those other guys. But it's nice to remember the good ones, the ones who just made me happy.
We all have those kinds of loves, First loves. My dad does and he still talks about her, especially when he would visit us in CBus because that was where she had lived and he would travel there to see her ALLLLLL the TIIIIME and blah blah blah your kids don't care dad because if you had married Sue Giblin we wouldn't be here and we are now the most important things in your life! Just kidding, I love hearing my dads stories. I am just being obnoxious.
Anyways, love love love crazy love.
*If you were able to figure out who this really is, good for you. If you couldn't, you're so dumb. Hahahahaha, not, but, it may be a bit obvious to anyone who was close to me during my last summer before college or during my first year of college... Also, don't just blurt it out in my comments, I protected his name for reasons, duh. Keep your self satisfaction to yourself (that last part was for my sister, because I know she will learn how to post on here just to say she knows who it is).
No comments:
Post a Comment